Sunday, October 10, 2010

Narrow Roads

It's Sunday morning-
Steph is still dozing and the leaves are rustling outside.
I think last night's Speakeasy show on KKIM AM 1000 here in Albuquerque went well.
I guess what's on my heart and my mind is this:
I finally finished the book Blue Like Jazz and I want more.

Not more books by Donald Miller- I wouldn't be opposed to that one bit-
but the tone and the insight from the book- that's what I want more of.
It makes me long for something I don't know what.

It remind me of how CS Lewis talks about Joy in his book, Surprised by Joy-
that you don't really have joy- to have joy is to chase it- in the chase, you'll find you have it most- but if you ever think you've finally cornered and caught it- it fades away.
and all the things you had the most joy out of simply don't do it for you anymore-
that's what I feel like-

like I'm chasing a joy here-

usually the Autumn time does it for me-
usually just about any good book on Christianity does it for me-
Give me a cup of hot chai and a CS Lewis book and I'll be ready to go-

but not right now...

I feel rushed, I guess-

if you've read the past posts by me, it's like I've realized my Christianity is all boxed up and is missing genuineness, that I'm tired of pretending like I know everything and that deep down absolutely crave wonder, and that I'm tired of Christian cliches and I hope something I say might help me or you.

I guess I get frustrated because I'm not CS Lewis- who can just say some witty comment and blow our nice, neat, Godly little worlds out of the water- I'm not Donald Miller- with his non-Christian thoughts on Christianity- I cant just toss out books from my laptop that reach millions of people- I'm just me. Just Ryan.

and i feel like I'm stuck in this cyclical world where no one changes- and I don't help much. And not only that, like I'm stuck with God. And so I don't really know what to do.

So my plan is to keep saying what's on my mind on this blog, and on the Speakeasy radio show and on the Archaen ministries website, if Chase our webmaster ever gets around to updating it. I know that part of the strength in what God is doing here with Archaen Ministries is that it isn't the biggest, most popular, most easily accessible and world wide thing- purported by megachurches and international ministries alike- it is small and intimate- only those who need it and seek it will find it. It's a narrow road that few find. And I'm chasing it with all my heart.

I have to say something to what I see
If I didn't I'd explode or go insane. (whichever came first)

That's just how I am.

We'll just have to see where the Lord takes this Joy- and maybe we can all help each other along the way...

till then,

God bless
and keep saying what you mean at every possible opportunity.

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