Thursday, October 25, 2012


I feel like right now Im not being honest with myself- like I've read my NIV Bible one too many times and can masterfully solve all the proper riddles- gasp at all the appropriate places... Im not satisfied with standard Christianity. It's dead, it's boring, it's dry- it's weird and it probably smells funny, too. But im also stuck, because I dont really know how to break out of this jail, either. What does this mean, God? How am I really different? How have things really changed? How is this earth-shattering? How is any of this ground-breaking when I have work tomorrow? Or bills to pay? If I were to write my own purpose paper, I wouldn't probably write anything at all- just try to make life as nice a possible because things generally suck right now for people my age. YAY systemic corporate culture and no room for young adults in our culture right now. If I had to write my own paper about it, I would probably tell myself I wasnt being honest with myself- like what I write and write just sounds hollow- like it's someone else's boring words, lacking meaning and heart and life and love and Truth. What does this mean? Im 24, not likely to be famous, not likely to be rich, not powerful, stuck in culture with little nor no room... how Do You make this beautiful, Lord? How can for all you've shown me, make sense of this outside tracts and church life??? Im not Donald Miller, or Rob Bell or even Dewey Moede... Im just Ryan Freeman, after all... so how does this work, now? Or how has it always worked that I just dont understand- this brokenness is fatal- a perfect sort of answer for no questions we now have... I just dont get it.

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